Humble

Def=1. Having or showing a consciousness of one’s shortcomings.

Today I have been humbled. I went to the Kyrgyz Sunday meeting and there was all of about 10 people there. They are happy to see me because I have come to help. Me, help them. Then the humbleness kicks in. I have entered a place where I do not know the language, I cannot communicate without help. I am greatly, GREATLY, aware of my shortcomings. It scares me. I am overwhelmed. How can I? I can’t- not on my own. Just like Peter, he couldn’t walk on the water, not on his own. He needed to keep his eyes on the one who could make it possible. Sometimes, my biggest hindrance is myself, looking at myself and all my inadequacies and seeing them as a limitation. When I should be seeing them as way for Him to display His power; “for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

A Song

So it was a musical few days, music by Kevin Thompson. Which, if this is the first you’ve heard of him, he and his music are definitely worth searching out. If you are in CNY- he is a local artist and you can easily get to a concert. There was one particular song that got to me. So I listened to it often, because sometimes you can listen to a song and not really hear it. The song is called ‘Nail Scarred Hands’, and there’s a question- “Where would I be if it wasn’t for J’us?” It made me think about where I would be without Him. I certainly wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have the joy and the hope that I have. I wouldn’t have such the abundant life that I have now. Then chorus goes: “I’ll put my faith in you. I’ll put my trust in you. I’ll put my life in your nail scarred hands. I’ll put my hope in you. Cause I can find rest in you. I’ll put my life in your nail scarred hands.”

“There is a love, that’s calling out for you and me. It’s coming for to set you free. Where would you go if it wasn’t for J’us?” There’s a voice that whispers your name at night. It tells you everything is alright. Where would you go if it wasn’t for Him?”

I listened to this song as I walked the streets, I looked around at those I was walking by. Knowing many are without Him. Where are they? Lonely? Suffering? Longing for love? Searching for hope? Where do they go? Do they turn to Vodka to dull their pain? To relationships that leave them hurt? To religion that leaves them striving for the unattainable? Or remain defeated thinking all is hopeless? But there is a love. A hope. A peace. One that wants them to come, to call. But how can they call on the one that they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone telling them? Then my heart breaks. I want them all to know this love.

Challenge

Challenge def.= 2. A calling into question 3. A call to a dual, contest, ect. 4. Anything that calls for special effort.
During, and after our General Assembly (GA) Conference, I heard people say often “I was challenged.” I admit the phrase came from me as well. When one is challenged, what does that mean? What do you do with it? Is it just a temporary feeling, and then return to the same ol’ routine? Or is it something just to ponder? Or do you take the challenge and change? There have been some things that I have been challenged with- words spoken, spirit moving- so now what. What do I do with this? Do I feel uncomfortable for a while until the thoughts and challenges are forgotten, or do I purpose to change; do I plan and set into motion new actions. Do I seek out opportunities that are out of my comfort zone to stretch me.
I have been challenged to live a sacrificial life- to be a substitution and take on the pain of others. I don’t easily bare my own pain, much less look to take on more- that being someone else’s. Challenge.
I have been challenged to live with a “spend me” attitude. Ransom= a price paid for someone to be free. How can I be spent so that others may come to be free?Challenge.
I have been challenged to be a peace maker. Reconciliation= to make peace. I not only must live in peace with others, but to bring others to the place where they are able to have restored peace with the Father and then among others as well. Challenge.
I have been challenged to surrender to my Father’s will. After asking for His cup to be taken from Him, only if it were His Father’s will, He took His cup and drank it. Not that He loved the cup, but loved the hand from which it came. Am I willing to take and drink of the cup that the Father is giving me? Challenge.
I have been challenged to live a victorious life. Winning looks different in the kingdom of Heaven; we win by losing. What have I lost for the sake of the kingdom? Challenge.
As for me, I have picked up the gauntlet that has been laid before me, knowing that it will not be easy. I may not always want it, and there may be times that I wished I just left it on the floor. But I know the One who will help me through it and He is good and faithful.

I Am Not American

I am not American- or so I have been told recently. When people say things like this, I don't react right away but wait for the explanation to follow. I'm never really sure just what they mean. So after Nargiza, very matter-of-factly, said I wasn't American, and then repeated herself, I really wasn't sure where she was going with it. After spending two weeks, traveling and rooming together for the conference, this had been her conclusion. Well, turns out it was a compliment. I am not American because I share my stuff- I give other people my things to use, clothes to wear, etc. For me, its not a conscious thing, if someone needs something like a sweatshirt or a comfy pair of flip flops, or asks to use my hairdryer, I usually do not have a problem lending out what I have. She later asked me why I was like this, after again stating I was not American. I thought for a moment- why is this not what other Americans are like? and then went on to tell her that this was how I was brought up. My dad is a very giving person. Sometimes gives more than he can. In my family, we shared a lot growing up, we were given stuff, we gave stuff. Its just how it was. Also, I am of the mindset that really nothing I have is "mine", it all belongs to the One who has given it to me- so why not share it with others.
Though this situation bothered me a little. Not that being called un-American bothered me-for this reason; but the fact that she has lived with other American young women, and why was this not an experience she had with them? Why, when we have such an example of how to give from someone who gave His all for us, are we not giving people- much less sharing people? So I am glad to be a sharing , giving person- and if it makes me 'not American' than so be it; but I wish that it was a character trait among those others here. Not that America needs to have such a good reputation, but the One we are here representing.