Bride Stealing & Family Culture

As Guljon shared about bride stealing, she said that it started kinda like a Romeo and Juliette scenario- they loved each other but the parents did not agree to the union. So she was stolen. Well, it has evolved from there, and although bride-stealing is illegal, the tradition continues on. So how does someone get stolen? Any how really. A girl could just be walking down the street and taken. The man takes the girl that he wants and brings her to his family’s house. He and his parents will go later to her parents’ home and bring something like a dowry, and ask for their blessing on the union. Usually they agree, but not always. If the girl happens to run away, sometimes her parents will take her back, especially if she is young enough to find another husband, but if she is in her late 20’s- they will not and she will have to remain with her husband. Bride stealing has different results. Guljon shared that in her village, one guy stole a girl who was very beautiful, and after a month, the girl hung herself and committed suicide. He did not steal his next wife. Another girl was stolen twice! She ran away from the first guy and after she was stolen by someone else, she stayed with him and is happily married with a family. It can be a concern for girls who especially live in the villages. Guljon is in her mid-20’s, she has finished university and is looking to start her career, and because she is not married yet, the reality of her being stolen is a concern- especially for her parents. She was sharing with us also some interesting traditions of the Kyrgyz family. I have made the conclusion that it is not the best to be the youngest girl in a Kyrgyz family, or married to the youngest son of a large Kyrgyz family. Because, it is the youngest girl’s responsibility to prepare the meals, do the wash, the work of the house. Yes, usually the other women help out, but the responsibility is passed on to her. And when I mean the youngest- I do not mean the 5 year old girl has to do everything, but when she is in her teen years.
Ah yes, it is interesting to learn about a different culture. I have a friend, Yylkon, and we often talk on our way home together. She comes from a family of 8 sisters! She is not the youngest, but she is in her early 20’s and her mom is pressuring her to get married. Her mom visited during the New Year, and said that she wants her to be married in the spring! It is a hard thing for me to understand. Coming from my culture where, yes some people get married just out of high school, most people wait until after college, but it is not unusual for people to start and have a career and then get married in their 30’s. There is usually no pressure from family, at least not to the extent where your parents will find you someone to marry whether you want to marry them or not. It is also interesting the responses I get from people here when they know how old I am. When I tell them I am 28, the very next question is usually, am I married? And when I tell them no, it is a bit of a surprise for them. Often I get the response that I look much younger, or that I should be married by now (according to their culture), and the question- well, why aren’t I married? But don’t worry, I don’t think they’ve gotten around to stealing foreigners yet.